I don’t blame Kaiser, but I do.
They wouldn’t settle for an image less than true.
By the time they did the MRI she asked,
Three months had passed.
Then she agreed to the CT Scan too.
I don’t blame Kaiser, but I do.
I don’t blame Kaiser, but I do.
Maximum radiation through and through
Was their advice and she felt trapped.
So she was zapped
For a colorectal cancer that surgery alone should do.
I don’t blame Kaiser, but I do.
I don’t blame Marilyn, but I do.
She promised me when our vows were new
That we’d grow old together, just us two.
Fifty-nine isn’t old, by quite a few.
I’ve been alone before but never knew.
I don’t blame Marilyn, but I do.
I don’t blame me, but most of all I do.
As normal, I left your decisions up to you.
I should have insisted on pap smears and scans,
Forced you to revise your plans.
There should have been something I could have done to still have you.
I don’t blame me, but most of all I do.
I don’t blame me, but most of all I do.
Gone the opportunity to say some things to you.
Often what I did say came out wrong but I always hoped you knew.
Far longer than the traditional vows, my love is true.
I’ve only had one soul mate and it was you.
I don’t blame me, but most of all I do.
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Well worded and hard hitting. I cannot get past the first verse before tears start falling... and reading it aloud is currently not possible (I have tried). In my experience, putting thoughts and emotions down in poetry form is a kind of catharsis which helps lift the burden. Hopefully this will work the same way for you.
ReplyDeleteBless you Doyle, you did so much for Marilyn and she knew it, through and through. This is hard to read. I miss her so much. I know she knew you were always there for her just like the vows you took -to love in good times and bad. There are too many "what ifs" in this life. I hope you look at all you did and know that she knew it was enough.
ReplyDeleteShe knew Dad. And the world is filled with all the "if only's" that we can only get through it by letting it go to "life", at least that is how I cope. I hope by writing those words, you have already released some blame of yourself. I don't blame anybody, just life. I am not as clear or eloquent as you, but I love you.
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