The new "EST," anti-EST

Should there be any readers of this blog entry, I must caution you that there will be quoted language that some may find offensive.

Today, February 7, 2009, I was invited to attend a free meeting that was basically a sales job for a Sterling Men's Weekend, which teaches men to be men rather than SNAGs, Sensitive New Age Guys.

Before I discuss this meeting, I should state some disclaimers: While I didn't consider it appropriate for me for a variety of reasons, some of which I will go into, I have nothing at all against people receiving the help in whatever form works to become better people, better men. Further, without going to the actual Men's Weekend, I cannot know the totality of the discussion and events that occur there and if I were to go to one, I couldn't write about it because the registration form includes signing a lot of fine print, of which one of the provisions is a non-disclosure agreement.

The bulk of the discussion that occurred tonight was about men and their relationship with women. On the man's side there are two modes: the mustang mode of short term relationships that are all about fun, and the long term relationship that is mostly about procreation, the mule mode. Corresponding to this, women are in one of two states: the "I want something from you" state and the "I don't want something from you" state. In a widely separated conversation, women are supposed to use sex as a tool that is made even more effective because they don't particularly enjoy sex. Before marriage, they grant sex to get what they want and after marriage they withhold sex to get what they want.

Interspersed with all of the sex and relationship discussion, they had former attendees of the Men's Weekend stand up and talk about their experience in general terms or ask "refresher" questions. Many of these former attendees meet regularly with their men team for ongoing mutual support and advice and several brought guests with whom they had cultivated a relationship sufficient to invite them and "sponsor" them for the Men's Weekend.

When a "guest" was convinced of the worth of such a weekend, he was to stand up grab his balls and yell "F**k It!" I never felt the inclination. From time to time the leader, Justin Sterling, would ask for one of the guests to say why they weren't signing up, what was holding us back. One person who said it was money and asked whether any of the men there had jobs that he could do to obtain the money was encouraged to take the step anyway and that the money would be made available to him. Several of the alumni of the weekend passed him cash and at least one guest did, not me.

I did not stand up and say why I wasn't signing up for the $500 weekend, which, by the way, is down from the cost of some of the previous weekends. I don't know whether this is the result of a primary, secondary, or both effect, i.e., the venue costs less as secondary or the discount is to attract more participants, primary. Among the reasons I did not sign up were first and foremost, the main thrust of relationships with women for sex is not applicable to me. The second is that I have a fundamental disagreement with the way a male-female relationship is simplified, perhaps oversimplified, not that I didn't recognize the simplified interaction descriptions that were discussed as also being in my past. But hopefully I've learned from my past on my way to simply being a mature male human being.

But if their model works in spite of what I would consider to be flaws, more power to them and the people who are employing those models. There were a number of men who stood up to talk about how the men's weekend had saved their marriage. It also has supposedly let them know themselves better. Talking crudely about pussy aside, they also talked about commitment and being a man of his word. Several people spoke to the lack of a male role model in their lives.

There were men from all socioeconomic backgrounds and ages there, including a number who were incarcerated at some point. The meeting portion lasted for three hours.

There is also a Women's Weekend and several speakers spoke to how their significant other had attended that.